Healing the Hurt: How to Pursue Healing in Your Marriage
By Randy and Debbie Stroman
No marriage is immune to pain. Whether it stems from harsh words, broken trust, unmet expectations, or past mistakes, unresolved hurt can quietly poison the love between two people. Left unhealed, it creates walls where there should be bridges. But here’s the truth every couple needs to know: healing is possible. With God’s help and a willing heart, your marriage can move beyond the pain and into a place of peace, intimacy, and restoration.
Here are some simple steps you can take to pursue healing in your marriage:
- Acknowledge the Hurt Honestly
Healing begins with truth. Minimizing or ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away, it buries it until it resurfaces in harmful ways. If you’ve been hurt, give yourself permission to feel it and communicate it—honestly but respectfully. And if you’ve hurt your spouse, be open to hearing their pain without defensiveness or excuses. Proverbs 28:13 reminds us,“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” - Choose Forgiveness, Not Bitterness
Forgiveness is not saying the offense didn’t matter—it’s sayingit won’t have the final say. Bitterness binds you to the pain; forgiveness releases you to heal. Remember, forgiveness is a decision before it’s a feeling. It may take time, but it’s a process worth committing to. As Ephesians 4:32 instructs,“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Create a Safe Space for Rebuilding Trust
Past hurts often damage trust. Healing means intentionally rebuilding that trust through consistent words, actions, and attitudes. This includes being transparent, accountable, and willing to earn back trust over time. It’s not a one-time fix, but a daily investment in love, reliability, and grace. - Seek God’s Healing Together
No one heals fully without the Healer. Couples who pray together, study Scripture, and pursue God’s heart in their relationship experience a deeper level of healing. Psalm 147:3 says,“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”Invite God into your healing process—not just for your personal pain, but for the heart of your marriage. - Consider Counseling or Coaching
Sometimes the pain is deep or complex. Don’t be afraid to seek Christian counseling or godly coaching. Healing is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength and hope. Having a safe, wise voice to guide your conversations and offer perspective can make a huge difference. - Replace Painful Patterns with Healthy Habits
Healing isn’t just about removing the bad; it’s about building something better. Learn to communicate in life-giving ways. Set aside regular time to connect emotionally. Rebuild friendship, laugh together, serve one another, and celebrate progress—no matter how small.
Moving Forward in Grace
Your past doesn’t have to define your future. God is in the business of restoration. What the enemy meant to destroy, God can use to strengthen your love and deepen your bond. Healing takes time, humility, and intentional love—but it’s possible, and it’s worth it.
Let this be the season where you stop carrying the pain and start walking in healing…Together.
Our private Two-Day Marriage Intensive equips couples to communicate more freely, while solving the big challenges we all face in marriage. Reach out today to inquire about scheduling a Marriage Intensive for your relationship. It will change the way you communicate.