By Randy and Debbie Stroman

If you have been married for more than a week, chances are you have already discovered this truth: in-law relationships can be complicated. In fact, this is one of the most common issues we encounter during coaching and mediation sessions. For many couples, tension doesn’t come from strangers—it comes from family.

Sometimes the conflict comes because one side of the family has an issue with the non-family-member spouse—the husband or wife who “married in.” This often pressures the couple to step back and create distance from that side of the family. Other times the conflict goes the opposite direction: a spouse sides with their parents over their husband or wife, making the other feel like an outsider in their own marriage.

Regardless of how it shows up, here’s what matters most:

We cannot allow our parents’ issues to become issues that divide our marriage.

A New Family Is Formed

When Scripture says, “the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24–25), God isn’t just describing emotional closeness. He is declaring that a brand-new family has been created.

You do not marry into your spouse’s family. You and your spouse create a new family together, with new values, rhythms, boundaries, and traditions—ones that both of you agree to and that work for your marriage.

This does not mean you reject or ignore your families of origin. It means that your marriage is now your highest earthly priority. You chart your own course, protect the unity of your home, and then—together—decide how and when to interact with extended family in a way that is healthy, honoring, and sustainable.

When Your Family Has a Problem with Your Spouse

In many cases, family tension begins because a parent or sibling does not like, trust, or approve of your spouse—or tries to dictate how your new family should operate.

When this happens, the spouse whose parents are creating the conflict must choose their marriage first, and rightly so. But this often leads to distance between them and their family—and that affects everyone, including the grandkids.

The solution is not to cut off your family in anger, nor to let them run your home. The solution is alignment—the two of you, husband and wife, standing together, united, and making decisions side by side. You come into agreement on the appropriate response to family.

When a Spouse Sides with Their Family Over Their Marriage

This scenario is just as damaging.

Sometimes a spouse feels pressure to prioritize parents because of long-standing traditions, cultural expectations, or financial dependence. But when a spouse regularly sides with their family instead of their husband or wife, it leaves the non-family spouse feeling rejected, isolated, and unsupported.

Marriage was never designed for divided loyalties. You cannot build unity inside your home while giving outsiders veto power over your marriage. As with the previous scenario, the key is coming into agreement within your own home, before attempting to satisfy those outside your marriage.

Honor Your Parents — Without Sacrificing Your Marriage

The Bible never releases us from the command to honor our mother and father (Exodus 20:12). Honor continues into adulthood and long after marriage. Scripture calls us to treat our parents with kindness, patience, respect, compassion, and forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). And Romans 12:18 gives us the clear call: “Live at peace with everyone, as far as it depends on you.”

But honor does not mean unlimited access. Honor does not mean tolerating manipulation. Honor does not mean allowing family to talk down to, disrespect, or undermine your spouse.

You can walk in love and still have boundaries.

Healthy Boundaries: The Fence That Protects Your Home

Boundaries are like fences. They serve two purposes:

1. To keep the good stuff in.
2. And keep the harmful stuff out.

Before deciding where to place a boundary, first take an honest look within:

• Is this tension coming from old wounds or unresolved trauma in your past?
• Are you reacting to your spouse’s parents based on fear instead of facts?
• Are you assuming motives that may not exist?

If the issue is connected to your own story, seek healing. Let God restore your heart. Get wise counsel from a neutral third party. Once you heal, now you can begin rebuilding the relationship with your parents or in-laws in a healthier way.

If the issue truly lies with the parents or in-laws, then boundaries are not only appropriate—they are necessary.

The key is communication: Explain kindly and clearly what behavior is causing the concern, how it affects your marriage, and what solutions would restore peace and relationship. If they agree, walk out healing together. If they refuse, then lovingly set boundaries that protect your marriage while leaving the door open for future restoration.

Heal Your Marriage First

If conflict exists, you must protect your marriage covenant first before addressing any other relationship. Once you have your marriage in a healthy place, attempt to restore the damaged relationship with your in laws.

Regardless of where the issue lies, Scripture gives us one central mandate: walk in love. Not hurt. Not resentment. Not reactivity. If you are responding from hurt, the situation will continue to worsen.

Get help for your past wounds. Strengthen the two of you first. Then, from a place of unity, and oneness, decide together how to navigate parents and in-laws.

A great marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when spouses choose unity, choose love, and choose to protect what God has joined together.

We are Here to Help

If you’re struggling to navigate parents, in-laws, or extended family conflict, you don’t have to figure it out alone. These situations can be emotionally draining and spiritually confusing—but there is a clear, God-honoring path forward. At Your Great Marriage, we specialize in helping couples rebuild unity, establish healthy boundaries, and restore peace in even the most complicated family dynamics. Visit our website at: https://randy.visionarydesignshop.com/. Take the next step toward clarity, confidence, and a stronger marriage.

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By Randy and Debbie Stroman

The older we get, the more supplements and vitamins seem to show up in our cabinets. And for good reason. While we still see our conventional doctors, we’ve also been blessed with a fantastic functional doctor who helps us stay healthy, so we don’t need to visit conventional doctors as often.

This contrast highlights one of the biggest battles in the healthcare world today—a true David and Goliath story.

On one side, you have the U.S. pharmaceutical market, valued at an estimated $634.3 billion in 2024.  On the other side, the U.S. nutritional supplements market comes in at $112.6 billion that same year. Both have their place. Both matter. But the issue runs deeper than numbers.

We’ve Been Trained to Be Reactive, Not Proactive

The biggest challenge in healthcare isn’t medicine, it’s mindset. We’ve been conditioned to treat health reactively, not proactively.

• When something hurts, then we see the doctor.
• When we feel sick, then we want a prescription.
• When symptoms appear, then we act.

And because many people feel fine, they don’t believe supplements, vitamins, or preventative habits are worth the cost. “Why spend money when I feel good?”

The problem is simple but dangerous:

Reactive thinking waits for a problem.
Proactive thinking prevents a problem.

Unfortunately, waiting too long can turn something treatable into something life-altering.

And this is exactly what we do with marriage.

Reactive Marriage vs. Proactive Marriage

Most couples are trained to approach marriage the same way they approach their health:
If it’s not hurting, don’t mess with it.

Why stir anything up? Why look deeper if things seem “fine”? Why invest energy in something that isn’t currently on fire?

But just like in health:

What we tolerate becomes normal—until it destroys us.

Small issues go unaddressed. Minor frustrations get brushed aside. A lack of connection becomes “just the way it is.” Distance grows slowly, quietly, invisibly.

And then one day… trouble kicks down the door.

Now the couple is in crisis. Now they’re desperate. Now they’re reactive. And heartbreak follows what could have been avoided.

The Better Way: Becoming a Proactive Marriage Couple

A great marriage is not built by accident. It is built with intention, consistency, and alignment with God’s design.

Here are a few simple ways couples can begin shifting from a reactive marriage to a proactive one:

1. Attend Church Together and Serve Together: Worshiping together strengthens unity, and serving together deepens partnership. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says: “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” When God is woven into the relationship, the marriage grows stronger at its core.
2. Read Scripture Together and Share What God Shows You: Reading alone feeds the soul. Reading together feeds the marriage. When you share revelations, scriptures, insights, and questions, you build spiritual intimacy—one of the strongest forms of connection. Joshua 1:8 reminds us: “Meditate on it day and night… then you will make your way prosperous.” Yes—God’s Word literally prospers marriages.
3. Attend Marriage Conferences Together: Whether marriage-focused or spiritually enriching, conferences remove distractions and allow God to speak in fresh ways. A change of environment often leads to a change of perspective.
4. Join a Marriage Small Group: You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from community. Being surrounded by other couples pursuing health and growth normalizes healthy habits. Proverbs 27:17 tells us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Healthy couples sharpen healthy couples.
5. Read a Marriage Book Together: This is one of the simplest but most overlooked tools. Discussing chapters, asking questions, and sharing reflections draws you closer emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
6. Seek Marriage Coaching Before You Need It: This is one of the most important proactive steps you can take for your marriage. You change the oil in your car before the engine breaks. You clean your teeth before cavities form. Yet couples wait until they’re drowning before they ask for help.

A proactive couple understands: Marriage coaching is not for broken marriages—
it is for marriages that want to stay strong.

Coaching provides clarity, alignment, communication tools, conflict-resolution skills, and God-centered strategies that help prevent the drift that leads to crisis.

Think of coaching as a wellness plan for your relationship.

Be Proactive

You can wait until your marriage hurts—or you can invest in it now. You can wait until emotional distance becomes unbearable—or you can strengthen connection today. You can wait until the enemy gains ground—or you can guard your marriage before he ever gets in the door. Reactive marriages survive. Proactive marriages thrive.

If you’re ready to invest proactively, intentionally, and spiritually in your marriage, we are here to help you take the next step. Your best days together are ahead—when you build now for what you want later.  Reach out to Your Great Marriage and be proactive with your most important relationship—your marriage.

You can reach us at: https://randy.visionarydesignshop.com/crisis/

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By Randy and Debbie Stroman

Every marriage is built, strengthened, or weakened by the words spoken inside it. Scripture teaches that our words are not just sounds—we are either building up the relationship God has given us or tearing it down with every sentence we speak. The Bible is clear:

“Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up…”  Ephesians 4:29

This means profanity, insults, harsh tones, and demeaning comments have no place in a Christian marriage. Why? Because our words reveal what is happening in our hearts, and they shape the atmosphere of our homes.

1. The Words You Speak Reveal Your Heart

Jesus said:

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”  Luke 6:45

If profanity, anger, or bitterness are regularly coming out of our mouths, it is not just a “language problem”—it is a heart problem. Marriage is where we are meant to show the love and grace of Christ most clearly. If what comes out of our mouth consistently wounds, humiliates, or destroys, then something in our heart needs healing—and God stands ready to restore it.

2. Your Words Are Building the House You Will Live In

Your marriage is like a house under construction. Every word is either:

• A brick that strengthens the foundation, or
• A hammer blow that cracks the walls.

If you consistently speak life, encouragement, blessing, and honor, your marriage becomes a safe place—a refuge. But if you speak profanity, sarcasm, and contempt, you are building a house full of tension, instability, and emotional danger.

In other words:

You are living today in the environment your words created yesterday.

When we speak unclean or destructive words, we are building a mess we will later have to live in.

3. A Marriage Built on Unclean Communication Is Weak

Profanity is not simply “just words.” It is verbal pollution. It slowly erodes trust, tenderness, safety, and respect in the relationship.

Think of it like this: A dog will not defile its own kennel—because even an animal instinctively understands that doing so would harm its own environment.

Yet when we use profanity, insults, or degrading words in marriage, we are doing exactly that—we are defiling our own home.

A marriage built on:

• harshness
• criticism
• anger
• profanity

…is a house with a cracked foundation. And Scripture warns that:

“Every house divided against itself will fall.”  Matthew 12:25

The enemy cannot destroy your marriage from the outside if you refuse to tear it down from the inside.

4. God Calls Us to Speak Words That Give Life

God does not just tell us what to avoid—He tells us what to do instead:

“Encourage one another and build each other up.”  1 Thessalonians 5:11

Your spouse should feel:

• Safer after talking to you
• More confident after hearing your voice
• More loved because of your words

This does not mean we avoid truth, correction, or hard conversations—but we speak them with gentleness, patience, and honor.

5. How to Start Changing Your Words

If unclean or damaging words have become a habit, here is the path forward:

1. Repent before God — Ask Him to cleanse your heart.
2. Repent to your spouse — Your words have consequences.
3. Invite the Holy Spirit to transform your speech.
4. Slow down before responding — Think before you speak.
5. Replace negative words with words of affirmation.

Even small changes in daily speech can begin to rebuild safety, trust, peace, and closeness.

A Blessing for Your Marriage

Father, cleanse our hearts so that our words bring life. Help us speak in ways that reflect Christ, honor our spouse, and strengthen our covenant. May our home be filled with peace, encouragement, and love. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Using the Right Owner’s Manual for Your Marriage

By Randy and Debbie Stroman

Imagine you just purchased the most expensive production car in the world — a $7 million Pagani. Now, imagine trying to operate this high-performance luxury vehicle using the owner’s manual from a $16,000 Nissan Versa, which is the lowest priced production car.

At best, you wouldn’t enjoy the experience. At worst, you’d damage a vehicle built for extraordinary performance. That’s why every good dealer takes time to walk you through your new vehicle’s features before you ever drive it. They know that when you understand its design, capabilities, and unique features, your satisfaction soars — and your performance on the road follows.

Marriage works the same way.

Marriage Has a Manufacturer

Marriage wasn’t invented by man. It wasn’t created by governments or designed by Hollywood screenwriters. Marriage is God’s creation — and He designed it to work a certain way.

Like every great designer, God also gave us an owner’s manual — the Bible. When we study His instructions and follow them, we have a 100% chance of success in our marriage.

But here’s the challenge: most of us are using the wrong manual.

Where Most of Us Learned About Marriage

For many couples, our “training” for marriage came from watching our parents. If you grew up in a home where love, unity, and healthy communication were modeled, you may have learned a few valuable lessons. But most of us didn’t.

Our parents were figuring it out as they went, and in many cases, they unknowingly taught us what doesn’t work in relationships.

We also shape our understanding through past relationships. We think, “That didn’t work. Maybe this time I’ll try something different.” So, we experiment — constantly trying new approaches, hoping this time will be different.

And then there’s Hollywood. From romantic comedies to heartbreaking dramas, we’ve absorbed messages about love that sound poetic but don’t work in real life. Remember the famous Jerry Maguire line: “You complete me”?

That sounds sweet, but it’s simply not biblical. Your spouse cannot complete you. Only God can do that. If Hollywood had the secret to great marriages, there wouldn’t be so many celebrity divorces splashed across the headlines.

God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage

If we want to experience the marriage God designed, we must return to His manual. Genesis 2:24-25 gives us the original blueprint for marriage:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
(Genesis 2:24-25, NKJV)

In Marriage on the Rock, author Jimmy Evans explains that these verses reveal four foundational laws that govern every healthy marriage.

The Four Laws of Love

(Based on “Marriage on the Rock” by Jimmy Evans)

1. The Law of Priority
   Marriage works best when it’s the highest earthly priority. After God, your spouse should come before work, hobbies, friends, and even children.
2. The Law of Pursuit
   Great marriages don’t happen by accident. Love thrives when we continue pursuing each other intentionally — through time, effort, and consistent acts of love.
3. The Law of Partnership
   Marriage is not his job or her job; it’s our job. God designed marriage to operate as an equal partnership, with shared responsibilities, shared dreams, and shared decision-making.
4. The Law of Purity
   True intimacy is built on transparency and trust. When we hide nothing from our spouse — emotionally, financially, or spiritually — we create a safe environment where love flourishes.

 

Practical Ways to Apply the Four Laws

Here are some simple, actionable steps couples can take today:

For the Law of Priority

• Schedule regular date nights — and protect them like an important meeting.
• Set boundaries around work, friendships, and family to keep your spouse first.
• Ask your spouse weekly: “Do you feel like my top priority?”

 

For the Law of Pursuit

• Speak your spouse’s love language daily — even in small ways.
• Send a thoughtful text, leave a note, or plan a spontaneous surprise.
• Never stop dating your spouse, no matter how long you’ve been married.

 

For the Law of Partnership

• Share household responsibilities and decision-making openly.
• Set financial goals together and celebrate milestones.
• Pray over big decisions as a team before moving forward.

 

For the Law of Purity

• Be transparent about money, devices, and emotions.
• Confess mistakes quickly and forgive readily.
• Create an environment where nothing is hidden and everything is safe to share.

 

A Fresh Start for Your Marriage

It’s never too late to begin again. No matter where you’ve been or what’s happened in your marriage, God’s design still works.

When we align with His owner’s manual — the Bible — and put the Four Laws of Love into daily practice, we unlock the potential for a marriage filled with love, trust, and joy.

Today can be your fresh start. Choose to learn God’s way, live God’s way, and love God’s way — and watch your marriage transform.

Want Help Applying God’s Design for Marriage?

If you and your spouse are ready to align your marriage with God’s original blueprint, we invite you to learn more about our Two-Day Marriage Intensive.

In this private coaching experience, we’ll help you:

• Discover and apply the Four Laws of Love
• Heal past hurts and rebuild trust
• Develop a personalized plan for lasting closeness and connection

 

Get help from Your Great Marriage: https://randy.visionarydesignshop.com

If your marriage is in crisis, contact Your Great Marriage here and someone will contact you within 24 hours: https://restoration.yourgreatmarriage.help/calendar.  If your crisis includes physical abuse, or the threat of violence, contact your local police first before reaching out to Your Great Marriage.  You are not alone.  Help is available.

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Capacity vs. Ability: Unlocking Your Potential for a Thriving Marriage

By Randy and Debbie Stroman

Many couples lose hope in their marriage because they believe their spouse is incapable of meeting their needs. Past hurts, repeated disappointments, and failed attempts to “fix things” can leave husbands and wives convinced that meaningful change is impossible. But often, the issue isn’t inability — it’s lack of training.

There’s a powerful difference between capacity and ability.  Understanding that difference can restore hope that even your relationship can change.

Capacity vs. Ability

Capacity refers to what’s possible. It’s the potential that already exists inside of you and your spouse — placed there by God. Ability, on the other hand, is about what you can currently do with the skills and understanding you have right now.

Think of it like flying an airplane.  Someone who has never flown a plane lacks the ability to fly today. But they still have the capacity to learn. With the right training and guidance, they can develop the skills needed to fly safely and confidently. The capacity to fly was always there; but you must release it.

Marriage works the same way. You and your spouse were designed by God with the capacity to love, forgive, communicate, and build intimacy. But if you have never been shown how to do marriage God’s way, you may not yet have the ability to succeed — and that’s where most couples get stuck.

What God Says About Capacity and Ability

Consider 2 Peter 1:3, which says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.” (NIV)

God has already given us everything we need — the capacity — to live and love in alignment with His design. It’s already in you through what Jesus gave you at the cross.  Even when it feels impossible, know that God has placed within you what is needed to live in a thriving marriage. It just needs to be released.  And that is where ability comes in.

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (NKJV) Our ability doesn’t come from ourselves; it comes from Christ working in us. As we lean on Him and learn His ways, our capacity is transformed into ability.

How does God convert the capacity that is already in us, into ability we can use? He does it through equipping.  He trains us through His Word.  Hebrews 13:20-21 reveals, “…The God of peace…equips you with everything good for doing His will, so may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ.”  God doesn’t just give you potential; He equips you with the skills, wisdom, and strength to live out His plan for your marriage.

Why Couples Lose Hope

When conflicts repeat or emotional needs go unmet, it’s easy to assume, “My spouse just isn’t capable.” But that’s not true. Couples don’t lack capacity to live in a thriving marriage; they lack the training and the tools necessary to release the capacity that is already in them. And this follows a familiar pattern. 

Without Biblical training in what God has said about marriage, couples rely on patterns learned from parents, movies, or culture. Then they unknowingly repeat unhealthy habits they leaned from others. They desperately want and expect different results but are using the same failed strategies. The outcome is that frustration grows, resentment builds, and hope fades.

The Good News: Change Is Possible

The truth is, you already have what it takes to build a healthy, connected, Christ-centered marriage. God has given you the capacity — but you need the training to unlock it.

When you learn to do marriage God’s way instead of your own way, everything changes:

• Communication becomes clearer
• Conflicts get resolved faster
• Emotional intimacy deepens
• Trust is rebuilt
• Love feels safe and secure again

Discover Your Capacity

Because training is the path to activating capacity and releasing ability, our ministry mission is to train couples to do marriage God’s way.   We offer a truly unique Two-Day Marriage Transformation training that helps couples unlock the potential they’ve always had. Through one-on-one coaching, we share biblical principles and proven tools you and your spouse can use to turn capacity into ability — and ability into lifelong marriage transformation.  Don’t settle for surviving your marriage. With the right training, you can thrive.

Learn more about our Two-Day Marriage Intensive and start building the relationship you’ve always hoped for.

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